WORST. MOVIE. EVER
We left after 45 minutes of it. Here’s a couple of reasons why:
– Dennis Quaid’s in the film. He’s never been in a good movie
– There’s an underwater city. Historically movies with underwater cities are very bad.
– The G.I. Joe base is underground in Egypt. Movies featuring pyramids and Egypt (Transformers 2, The Mummy) might as well have underwater cities.
– Channing Tatum talks like he’s teaching a hip hop dance class. My friend (Tic-Tac) called his acting “Hayden Christensen on steroids.” That is not a good thing.
– In the first five minutes we learn that there’s a back story between Channing Tatum’s character Duke and Sienna Miller’s character the Baroness. They used to be engaged but something happened. And now – what are the chances of this happening – they’re fighting against each other and one’s good and one’s bad. Get right out of town. Most cliched plot line ever.
G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra opens tomorrow. I’ve said numerous times that I would not be seeing it – mainly because the trailer looks like shit and the guy that directed it also directed The Mummy. With that said, my feelings toward G.I. Joe have shifted (somewhat) over the last week.
First because the reviews out of the gate were mostly positive. Yesterday it was 91% fresh on rottentomatoes.com – granted only 11 people had reviewed it – but that’s already higher than I would have imagined.
The second reason the movie is becoming more interesting to me is because I found out that it wasn’t being screened for critics. If you’re wondering why that’s a big deal I’ll tell you. If a movie isn’t screened for critics, it’s usually a stinker. The studio is hoping you’ll go see it before everyone realizes it stinks. That’s a death blow for most films (unless Tyler Perry directed it).
So why would that make it more appealing to me? Because I’d like to see what an absolute train wreck it is. There has been so much negative press about this movie already that’s it’s almost worth my $10. I’ll do the dirty work and see it so you don’t have to. Expect a full or half full review next week.
Oh and Sienna Miller is in a leather catsuit (see below). That’s hot.
I loved G.I. Joe when I was kid. Who didn’t? They were cheap as hell too. So am I stoked about this movie? To quote Sarah Palin: you bet-cha. You might remember an earlier post I had from this summer featuring pictures of Sienna Miller as the Baroness (here). Not too shabby.
Sienna Miller may be 100% crazy, but she’s also 100% hot. She’s playing the Baroness in the new G.I. Joe movie. I’m a sucker for babes in hot leather catsuits and she’s no exception. Wow. Damn my eyes.
To this guy:
Good call Sienna. You’re one of the hottest babes in the world and you’ve chosen this guy as your life partner. WTF? Didn’t you date Jude Law one time. I mean I can understand getting married to him and not me, but this guy. Are you serious? It’s a messed up world out there.